i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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