even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
