i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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