we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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