I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize