WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Everything about him screamed your future.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
