I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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