At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
