I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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