he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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