Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
