Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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