Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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