Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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