she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
