i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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