loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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