I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
