yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
