Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
