I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
