Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
