This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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