I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
