I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
