I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
