I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
