You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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