After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
