So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
