the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
COCAINE IS GR8
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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