lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
