I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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