MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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