Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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