Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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