i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
