I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize