I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
