my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
