My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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