He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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