she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
