hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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