I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
