I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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