Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
