dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
