You can't special order awesome
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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