so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
