Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
