I murdered the dance floor call the cops
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
