I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
