Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
