you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
