We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
