Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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