I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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