ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
