And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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