I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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