What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
