He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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