Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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