I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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