Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize