apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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