I can text with my tongue
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
