I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
