I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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