before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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