well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
