Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
