wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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