fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
