In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
